Monday, January 12, 2009

Umm...can someone hold my hair while i vomit?




so, for most of you...this post is going to be a little too personal b/c 1. i'm taking pics half-nude while brushing my teeth and 2. you know me, and don't want to see me in any way like this...well, this post isn't about you, now is it? it's about me...so, anyone who's known me in the past couple of years have known that i have gone from one weight extreme to the other (well, not obese and pencil thin, but you get my point)...and you also know that i've been telling everyone that i'm going to lose thirty pounds. The majority of you have discouraged me from doing this...saying that i would look sick (isn't that the way it always is with people? saying nothing to a person's face, but asking behind their back, "is so-and-so sick?"...and i mean you blk people lol)...and it's really got me to wondering...why do you want to lose thirty pounds?...what is really going on?...so after talking to myself and various other friends, i've come to the conclusion that i have a small body image problem...i mean, how could i not, when all i see on the media is thin waifish girls, and buff bodied men...definitely not what i am in the least...so, if i'm not the image being portrayed...then something must be wrong, right?...clearly, (and i'll be the first to admit it)...my view of myself is flawed...i mean, it literally takes me 30-45minutes to get dressed b/c i have to find an outfit that compliments everything...i'll try on one thing...take it off...try on something else...and this literally last for a while...a good while...everything has to be visually pleasing from every angle...sad i know.one of my problems, i believe, is that i still see myself as the short, little fat kid that people laughed AT and not with...the image never really left...so instead of seeing the wonderful, handsome, perfectly fine person that i am...i see short, pudgy, and unattractive...which i'm not (beep!beep!)...so how do i overcome this body image problem? honestly, i have no real answer...the only thing that i can think of is that i have to learn to love myself...accept myself...be happy with myself...gain some confidence in my appearance so that it radiates outward...just learn to enjoy being me and the person that i am (insert india arie's I am not my Hair)...BUT...i am gonna tone up...and lose a couple of inches here and there...i need a summer body...i'm tired of wearing sweats on the beach....LMAO!!!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Boy! You are not even FAT...just PHAT!;)
---D

Anonymous said...

You're body looks just fine to me! You def don't need sweats! lol. How did you lose the weight? Cuz I need to myself. I'm still the fat kid!

||Poetry+Prose|| said...

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy. I would just make sure that I am doing it for me and not anyone else. Especially with the food that is available to us nowadays. Working out is almost mandatory for survival (our poor hearts need stimulation too).

Kim said...

I love that you are discovering and sharing your thoughts and feelings this way, Chris. By the time you meet that special person, you will be free of all these barriers and will know to love yourself and appreciate the skills and abilities that God gave ya!
Um, sweats on the beach is UNACCEPTABLE, Boo Boo! Never again to that! Also, I'm gonna need a has up of half naked pictures of you BEFORE I click on your blog link; I'm at work for Christ's sake! I bet my office mate thinks I am checking out porn in the workplace....

Anonymous said...

It might help to hit the weights and eat healthy... is that how you lost weight anyway? I know some people go extreme measures including starvation and become mildly unhealthy